Let’s talk about Why Dads Need To Lead By Example, and the wonders it will do for you, your wife, and your children if you do.
AND how you can get started, even if you feel it’s too late.
I’ll share with you the number #1 way your children will learn, and how you can encourage it by showing them the right path in life.
I’ll also talk about how your actions and behaviours dictate the way your children grow up, and how you can become their greatest coach.
Now, let’s get into why Dads need to lead by example!
what does a dad who leads by example look like?
I want you to picture seeing ‘Dad’ as just another word for coach, mentor, guide, teacher, or instructor.
You have to tell yourself that you will put in the work now, so that when future good and bad times come for your family, you’ll be prepared.
A great Dad shows his wife and children, what it looks like to conduct himself with wisdom, especially in tough situations.
When his children fail, he shows them what and how they can learn from it.
He gives his children the tools to forge the character they need, so whatever situations they face in life as they grow older, they’ll be prepared.
Just like learning Martial Arts, and getting your Black Belt, it’s a journey, it’s a process.
And even when you get your Black Belt, you realise that you’ve just mastered the basics, and there’s a lot more mental, spiritual, and even physical mastery to acquire. The same goes for being a Dad.
So in this process, you have to show your children what a healthy relationship with yourself look like, your wife, your friends, your family, and even strangers.
Our sons and daughters more than ever need strong masculine role models, a powerful Dad in their corner, and a Modern Day Warrior.
They look up to you as their superheroes, so it’s time to make sure you have all bases covered, and act like one.
And the quickest way you can do that is to physically show them you are bringing your best self out at home each and every day.
This is what I do with my kids. I teach them what I know, and what I have learnt.
And it’s what many of our students begin to naturally do with their kids. As the kids know learning Martial Arts is cool, so they naturally want to get involved too.
Now, when I train with my son, whose only 3 years old, he’s always talking about growing his muscles, and he extends his arms to show off his little triceps, then after, he comes to the kitchen, and wants to eat right to grow his newfound muscles.
This didn’t happen by accident, we told him his muscles will grow when he trains right, eats right, and thinks right.
It all happened, as I led by example.
what actions and behaviours do you want your children to model?
Think about the saying, “Children will do as you do, not as you say.”
So if you say, “Do as I say, not as I do.”, then you’ve got it wrong.
It’s all good and well if everything is going smoothly in all areas of your life. But for most Dads, you and I both know that’s not typically the case.
Even Dads who appear like they have everything together on the surface. You know, they have the dream car, huge house, and trophy wife, but they aren’t truly fulfilled.
Many of us Dads sacrifice what is most important to us, so we can fulfil the provider role. And although it’s an important part of being a Dad, it’s not the only part.
The question becomes, with the way you are now as a man – Would you want your children to copy your every move?
If you’re honest with yourself, you know what the answer is. The next question then becomes, what are you willing to do about it?
I want to share this quick story from my youth with you.
Have you ever caught your children copying you? Sometimes they’ll use your phrases, have your mannerisms, and even match the way you think too.
It’s impressive, yet sometimes scary too.
I remember when I was learning Martial Arts from my Dad as a young kid, I wanted to model how he did his techniques.
I wanted eventually to do them better than he did.
And ultimately, I wanted his praise, respect, and love.
Even as a young 4-5 year old when I started Martial Arts, I knew I wanted this from my Dad, even though I couldn’t explain it at the time, and that he wanted me to appreciate him in the same way too.
But for me to feel like that about him, he needed to show me the way first. I was too ignorant to know without his guidance, without his knowledge, and without his leadership.
dad, you are their greatest coach
I want you to find the big and small moments your children need coaching.
A big moment could be how to deal with their first bully.
And a small one could be doing a household task when they don’t feel like it.
But each moment requires solid guidance from you.
And you know how that classic take on parenting, which says to tell your children something like…
“You can be anything you want when you grow up”.
But when it comes to it, you are not where you want to be in life.
That’s hypocritical, and shows them the exact opposite of what that message says.
So instead, they will end up being what they deserve when they grow up.
What would a coach say to you? Or what do you think I would say to you if we were having a 1-1 conversation?
And for many Dads I speak to, and even some of my students when they start working with me, they have this harsh realisation that they ended up fat, unhappy, super stressed, and just not content with who they have become.
Don’t let that be, or continue to be you, ever again.
As whenever you are living like this, you are subconsciously telling your children that it’s ok to be out of shape, unhealthy, and unhappy.
And look, all coaches and students fail along the path of learning.
We’re here as Dads to show ourselves, and our boys and girls, that it’s not just ok to fail, but it’s good to regularly fail.
And more importantly, it’s how we respond to failure that sets our children up for a lifelong relationship with failure and success.
The idea is not to show them that you are perfect. Far from it.
It’s actually to show them that you have a healthy way of dealing with the natural ups and downs of life.
And to be their greatest coach, you need to have received guidance from someone else, who can show you the way, and show you the path back to balance, so you can maintain order at home, in your head, and your heart.
it's time to step up dads
When we had our Martial Arts School, there was a period when Yasmin (my wife) and I thought that teaching children was the most important and fulfilling part of our roles.
And whilst it was key, we couldn’t help but begin to think something was missing.
The key piece of the puzzle was that the Dads were not deeply involved in the process of mind, body, and spirit mastery too.
So we thought, “How can we really help these young kids if their Dads aren’t even setting the example?“.
That’s when we knew we had to shift our work and focus to Dads like you, so that society has a generation of kids who are being led by Dads who are showing up every day, and modelling the behaviours they want their children to follow.
Who’s your coach? I know you probably don’t have one.
And it doesn’t have to be me, but you have to find someone who can guide you.
Someone who can show you the way.
I can absolutely recount all the best times in my life, when I’ve got my mojo, energy, drive, and discipline in place, are when I have a solid coach in my corner, not just to push me, but to show me where I’m falling short, and course correct me as quickly as possible.
As a Dad, your job is to mould your children, and your wife into the best possible versions of themselves, and to create the greatest family unit possible.
A coach’s job is the same.
Let someone who gets the results you’re after mould you, whether it be in your fitness like I help Dads with, or something else.
Just be receptive to help, to growth, and to transformation. You never know what’s possible, and what potential you’re leaving on the table.
And don’t let your potential, your wife’s, and certainly not your children’s potential go to waste.
As a small dedication to my late Dad, who was my greatest coach, especially in Martial Arts, and who was a devout Christian in his latter years, I thought these quotes would be suitable for you to digest:
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
“Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.” – Proverbs 17:6
And finally, if you feel it’s too late to change, and be that example for your children…
Remember, that God, the universe, of whatever you believe in, has a funny way of working.
You’ve heard this message from me today, and maybe, you’ve heard something similar before.
But if you choose to ignore this message again, then yes, it may be too late.
But if you take this message seriously, and realise it’s time for you to step up as a Dad, as a husband, and as a man, then you will be rewarded greatly.
takeaways on why dads need to lead by example
And that’s a wrap. This is why Dads need to lead by example!
To recap:
1. What does a Dad who leads by example look like? – A Dad shows his wife and children, what it looks like to conduct himself with wisdom, especially in tough situations.
2. What actions and behaviours do you want your children to model? – The question to answer is, with the way you are now as a man, would you want your children to copy your every move?
3. Dad, you are their greatest Coach – To be their greatest coach, you need to have received guidance, so you can maintain order at home, in your head, and your heart.
4. It’s time to step up Dads – Find someone to coach you. It doesn’t have to be me, but you have to find someone who can show you the way. And remember, it’s only too late to change if you continue to ignore this message, so make this the last reminder you ever need.
That’s it for today. See you next week for why Dads should do Marital Arts.
I’ll show you how it will transform your life if you decide to walk the path of a Martial Artist, how it can easily get rid of the Dad Bod, and why it’s a great way to relieve stress 👀
here are three ways i can help you be a dad who leads his family by example
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Maintain Order Warriors 
